There is emphatically and audibly a song rhythm here. I should like to extend a few more verses, u can do so at leisure. The rhyme pattern is very suitable for song lyrics, and I reminisce about those I submitted. We seem to share a tacit understanding of this art.i am now trying to imagine the genre of music to fit it, but certainly you know. The word/ language you chose is very appropriate too.i find little wrong with it other than "should be longer". That is purely my feeling. You may be contemplating an album? If yes, I look forward to more lyrics.