literature

Hoping

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Michel-le-fou's avatar
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Literature Text

Hoping
For Puabi

Those days, long gone by
They were so dangerous
Kingdoms challenging for war
Women's best choice was too stay indoors
Men went out on campaigns
So difficult to find true love
Yet a woman's heart must hope
Hope
Hope for love and warmth
Hope for the peace in which to love
Hope

Far away
Inside her tomb
A tender heart encased in stone
Still beating
Still longing
Still hoping
Hoping
Hoping for love, warmth and peace
Hoping
Poem about Babylonian woman and Puabi 
© 2014 - 2024 Michel-le-fou
Comments9
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angelenroute's avatar
I am so far behind on critiques for We-Poets, but here I am at last. So sorry for the long delay!

This is one of those poems I cannot easily critique, because it follows the poet's own natural, beautiful rhythm.  In that way, it is untouchable, as it should be.  If I were to offer any critique though, I'd say add the Oxford comma after "warmth" in this line:

"Hoping for love, warmth and peace".

It isn't much by way of critique, I know, but you didn't give me much opportunity here. :) Well written!

Sean